Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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