my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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