so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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