So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
