New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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