Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
