I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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