I hope mine doesn't look like that
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
