I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
