Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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