just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
