But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
