3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
