Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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