and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
