Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
