Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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