Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
