Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
