my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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