Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
