we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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