I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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