All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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