She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
