I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
