this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
