You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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