Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she smelled like a LAN party
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize