somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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