Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
