I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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