I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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