and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
