Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
