quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
