I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
