ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
