wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
