this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
