You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
