6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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