I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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