So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Houston, we have a blender
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
