I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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