woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
