so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
