but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
