Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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