I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
