"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
