I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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