There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
