Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
