Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize