if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
