i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
