in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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