She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
