i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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