I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
