idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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