I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
