Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
