I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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