I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
