I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
