life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
