Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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