There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
