my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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