8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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