Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
