I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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