So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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